Discussion and advice for parents and teachers…
  • Applying consequences and encouraging responsibility.

    June 27th, 2009fariFree Learning Resources, Parenting

    Applying Consequences and Encouraging Responsibility

    This table shows ways of allowing children to learn from the consequences of their actions.

    Problem Usual Method of Discipline Using Consequences Effect
    Child not getting up in the morning when called. Shout, keep reminding, coax Call only once or give older child alarm clock and allow to be late for school or do without breakfast, (if necessary). During school holidays, decide together on breakfast time and encourage kids to make their own breakfast Child will begin to take responsibility for self in the mornings.
    Child continually forgets things. Remind, nag, scold Let child experience consequences of forgetting lunch, schoolbooks etc. Encourage child to keep a notepad where they can write themselves a reminder for each day. Child takes responsibility for remembering.
    Teenage daughter wants to be fashionable, wear make-up, try new hair styles. Parent buys child’s clothes, decides hairstyles with little discusson. As parents it is our responsibility to be good examples to our children and spend time explaining how they  should follow islam in their daily actions. Before your daughter reaches the age of puberty it is essential that you explain to her that it is fard to wear hijab.

    Explain to your daughter that she can be fashionable, wear make-up, and experiment with hairstyles at home but not when she goes out. The limits regarding keeping her awrah covered in the home need to also be observed. Allow her a greater say in choosing her clothes and buying jewellery. Also let her invite her friends over for a girl’s only nights.

    Daughter doesn’t feel that Islam is restrictive and that she can have fun in her home and with her friends.
    Teenage son wants to wear ‘gangster’ style clothes get ears pierced, wear jewellery. Parent and child argue. Speak to your son about his reasons for wanting to look like ‘a gangster’ Who is he trying to emulate and why? Who are his role models? Explain to your son the importance of not following un-islamic personalities. We should not have one rule for our daughters and another for our sons.  Men are not allowed to imitate women so do not let him pierce his ears. Allow him to choose his clothes but he should not buy clothes that are tight fitting, shorts that are above his knees or have any unislamic images or slogans. Son will see that you do listen to his views and allow him to make decisions. However he must always follow the Islamic rules related to clothing when he makes his choices.
    Child doesn’t brush teeth Remind, scold, force Offer choice between brushing teeth and giving up sweet things. It might seem a bit harsh but

    show your child some pictures of decaying teeth fillings. Unfortunately your child might only learn the hard way i.e. after they have had a filling.

    Child brushes teeth and sees link with dental decay. You could put brushing their teeth as a target on their behaviour chart.
    Chores being ignored Remind, nag, or parent does chore for child. Agree on family chores together, Establish clearly the consequences for not doing chores, e.g. no TV if room is not tidy, no desert if table is not cleared. Children learn to contribute to smooth running of the home. Another target for their chart.
    Bedtimes being ignored Remind, nag, punish Agree together on a bedtime. If ignored, set an earlier bedtime then try again. Once they listen return back to later time. Child begins to take responsibility for own bedtime.
    Quran class homework not being done. Shout, lecture Take an interest in their homework; it is your responsibility to ensure your child learns to read quran so spend time listening to them read and help them patiently. Use a translation/tafsir of the quran to explain the meaning of what they are reading. Child feels supported and understands what they are reading. Their relationship with you also develops.
    Child refuses to eat dinner. Shout, or give alternative food. Child is given the choice of eating the food made or being hungry. Do not give alternative food or allow to snack until next mealtime. Child will realise they cannot get their own way by being fussy and will be content with what they are given.


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